Gremlins (Photo credit: Wikipedia)
Sure, blogs are like pie-holes — everybody’s got one. Right? But, the thing is, I’m sorta new to this whole blogging thing, and so I’m not so sure what I should be feeding mine.
My blog, not my pie-hole! You see, I’m talking about what my blog needs to help it thrive and grow strong. I’m trying desperately here to discover the equivalent of the daily food pyramid for blogs. Really, what is the ultimate blog diet?
As a kind of sidebar, let me just say that when I think about my blog having a diet at all, the first thing that comes to mind is those words of caution from the movie Gremlins about not feeding them after midnight. Gremlins, that is. Whereupon I next find myself compulsively substituting the concept of a ravenous blog for the concept of a hungry pack of gremlins, just because. It’s automatic.
Anyway, ultimately, then, I guess, the problem is that I fear what’s going to happen if I get it wrong. I can already see the headline now, in fact…When Blogs Go Bad! Because I fear that’s exactly where my blog will end up going. Firstly, it’ll slowly wither and die, And, then, secondly, it’ll turn into a zombie blog and go on a brain-eating rampage. Nobody’s blog will be safe! Least of all yours, dear reader…
Which again leads me to my asking you for your advice. Really, just what is the ultimate blog diet? But wait, before you answer, let me tell you what I’ve already been feeding mine. That way you can let me know if I’m on the right track.
So far, I’ve fed my blog some “Top 10 list”-type posts and a bit of flash fiction, along with some blog posts about blogging and a handful of poems. But it still doesn’t seem like enough. I mean, does it?
The trouble is that I’m not pretty or handsome enough for posting a whole lot of selfies, and I’m not really all that big on having travelled to interesting places, either. Well, I suppose, I could have a go at writing a few…oh my gosh! Is that really the time? I’ve just realised that I’ve only gone and broken the only cardinal rule of blogging…
Help, what have I done? God, forgive us all, I’ve gone and fed my blog after midnight! Aieee!!!
The End
PS Any thoughts, people? 🙂
Missing Zero 
March 29th, 2013 at 7:13 pm
Not sure what a healthy blog diet should be. I have and enjoyed a couple but one in particular keeps to the subject of writing do’s and do nots. Others I read for pure enjoyment of the writers style. If and when you find a healthy diet please share as we are approaching bathing suit weather and I need to get into shape. EVERYWHERE
March 29th, 2013 at 10:19 pm
Hey there, Ann!
Your comment about swim suit weather just reminded me of the other two rules pertaining to caring for Mogwai/Gremlins. Here are all 3 rules, then, together:
“Keep them out of bright light, don’t get them wet and never, ever feed them after midnight.”
Anyhow, leaving blog maintenance issues aside for a bit, my golden rule for warmer weather is simply don’t ever wear socks with sandals.
Although, that said, I do also sort of like the idea of keeping your blog out of direct sunlight. It somehow adds a sense of mystery to blogging, more generally. As for why you shouldn’t get it wet? Well, computers and water are a rather volatile mix, wouldn’t you say? 🙂
March 30th, 2013 at 10:59 am
Oh yes computers and water are not a good mix. Last summer I also found that computers and sunlight do not mix either. I had the most frightful image appear on my screen and no matter what direction I moved it followed me, blocking everything I tried to do. It didn’t disappear until I closed the cover and brought my laptop back inside.
March 30th, 2013 at 11:59 am
I can only imagine what that frightful image might have been, Ramblin’ Ann. But it certainly probably wasn’t the sort of thing you wanted any of your neighbors to see you looking at, I’m guessing! Good idea, then, that you shut that laptop up and got inside, where you could inspect the nature of the said image while maintaining the bounds of accepted suburban propriety. 🙂
April 5th, 2013 at 6:44 am
I feel my blog bloggers… it seems to make it happy. 🙂
April 5th, 2013 at 6:54 am
Well, you’ve got the odd spare thousand or so bloggers who’re currently following you, so that’s okay for you to say. Whereas I’m only just starting out, meaning that I’d run out of live bloggers to feed my blog in about 3 days!
April 5th, 2013 at 6:54 am
I believe there are currently 20 million wordpress bloggers at least. I think there are enough to feed two sites. 😉
April 5th, 2013 at 7:01 am
20 million, you say? That’s practically plague proportions. What the hell are we all doing this for?
April 5th, 2013 at 7:07 am
I heard there are 60 million blog sites, I don’t know how many bloggers that is. 🙂
April 5th, 2013 at 7:16 am
19.02 years, then, is how long it would take you to look at everyone of these sites, based on a maximum of 10 secs per site. Go figure?!
April 5th, 2013 at 7:18 am
I swear if I had started blogging in college there is no telling… lol
April 5th, 2013 at 7:25 am
It’s got to be done! Someone has to start a blog about trying to view the 60 million other blogs out there. Only trouble is over the 19.02 years it would take to do so, new blogs would be building up at an exponential rate. Aargh!
April 5th, 2013 at 7:26 am
I love how you can kind of see how many new blogs are being added on this site. That is so much better than Google Blogger.
April 5th, 2013 at 7:29 am
Man, I can barely find the dashboard of my own blog, let alone access whatever techo-voodoo it is you’re talking about. 😉
April 5th, 2013 at 7:32 am
🙂 basically WordPress > GoogleBlogger
April 5th, 2013 at 7:43 am
Thanx, O Man. I didn’t know GoogleBlogger existed until you just mentioned it! I basically still think my computer is powered by a hamster running around on a little wheel in there. I mean, it is isn’t it?
April 5th, 2013 at 7:44 am
Not anymore, they determined the hamster wheel was abuse. Sorry!
April 5th, 2013 at 7:46 am
When did rocket science become all touchy feely, anyhow? That’s what I want to know! Bring back the hamsters, I say!!!
April 5th, 2013 at 7:47 am
When animals became more important than humans?
April 5th, 2013 at 7:48 am
Well, I know you’re trying to trick me on this one, because humans are animals, right? 😉
April 5th, 2013 at 7:50 am
lol