Tag Archives: humor

It’s Always the Green M&Ms You Have to Watch Out For!

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(photo by Lorem Ipsum)

I spent today trying to investigate why my guitar effects unit has stopped working, when the culprit suddenly became obvious…a rogue green M&M holding a black hotwater bottle had snuck into the unit’s circuit board?! When candy goes bad, it goes really bad indeed, apparently!


the squared-eyed monster

in the land of tv everything is
a matter of the utmost ease with
a person going as long as
nine or ten weeks without feeling
the need to visit a bathroom
to brush yellowing teeth or
relieve a bladder set to burst
moreover showering is no longer
a daily curse being (more often
than it’s fair to expect) a striptease or
prelude to sex rather than
a bothersomely boring fact while
likewise the question of dress
for men consists solely of a quip
namely, “can I be a hero in this shirt?”
whereas for women “can I save the
world in this skirt?” is all they
must ponder, those troublesome tasks
of filling in income tax forms and
scrubbing pet stains bent down
on all fours are consigned to mere
out-takes or at best blooper reels…
oh, my god, forgive me, I could ramble
on and on, so let me instead distill
my gripe to this more befitting “sound
bite”-sized moan, “omg, sometimes how
I just long to be in the land of tv”.
(You can roll the credits now, if you so please)


the death of a comma

nobody cried at the death of
a comma not a single tear
oh sure there was some minor
distress bordering on mild panic
as the pedants and pundits warned
that all clear communication would
now be dead between us also
but it soon blew over as well you
might imagine that is apart from the
uproar caused by the lawyers and their ilk
who later at the funeral hysterically
began to babble about restrictive clauses
and the proof of corpus delicti
as the coffin bearing the sadly
deceased sank from view
however in a statement prepared
for the press afterwards a prominent
member of the punctuation police
in attendance on the fateful day
is quoted as saying there was
absolutely no sign of foul play in
the demise of the dearly departed
and that he would therefore ask
everyone in the community to show
their respect for the much-lamented
mark in the most appropriate
of fashions by observing
a brief pause for silence…


travel-bugged

In travel there always exists
the promise of escape
from the mundane
certainties of life
meaning that the allure of
the luggage carousel
and those lengthy stopovers
spent in a string of exotic
foreign restrooms seems
somehow preferable to
the familiar well-worn
routines of staying
snug at home.


John the Recliner/Revelator

Singing: Well, I’ve had the blues ever since the world began…

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On the Face of Things…

I don’t know if it’s just me, but our lounge chair seems to have recently grown a personality all of its own…what do you think? Or am I just seeing things!

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Psst, hey, you wanna grab a nachos and watch the late night movie marathon, wit me? Whaddya say?