Tag Archives: fnord

What’s in a Name? The Illuminati, Just Another Secret Handshake Club?

The all-seeing eye in the pyramid - Original artwork by Lorem Ipsum

The all-seeing I – Original artwork by Lorem Ipsum

A professor of law at Ingolstadt University called Adam Weishaupt is usually credited as being the man who first founded the Illuminati, on the 1st May 1776.

The original secret society that he created is also referred to as the Bavarian Conspiracy or the Order of Perfectabilists. And by all accounts it proved to be a very short-lived organisation, flourishing for less than a decade. It’s aim evidently was to infiltrate Freemasonry and thereby promote “freethinking” in line with current Enlightenment philosophy.

However, some social commentators at the time believed that this initial incarnation of the Illuminati was also responsible for orchestrating the events leading up to, and including, the French Revolution (1789-1799).

As an interesting aside, it is said that on reaching the highest level of this “oh-so” secret organisation members were finally informed that, “the only secret is that there is no secret”.

Anyway, what is strange, then, about all of this, is how the term Illuminati has come to now dominate our own popular culture of today. From conspiracy theories linking the Illuminati to every significant world event to have transpired in the past 350 years (the rise of Nazism, the JFK assassination, 9/11), to accusations of their controlling both Hollywood and every major recording artist currently releasing music (Lady Gaga, Beyoncé, One Direction etc) almost universally the so-called Illuminati are portrayed as being the evil masterminds behind a heinous plot to enslave mankind and take over the world.

On the one hand, Illuminati whistleblowers say it is the old money of Big Business families like the Rothschilds and the Rockerfellers which is behind such a plot. Whereas on the other, more paranoid self-appointed watchdogs, such as David Icke, argue that the Illuminati (along with its agenda of establishing one world government) is simply part of a millennia-old global conspiracy, being perpetrated by humanity’s reptilian shape-shifting extraterrestrial overlords so as to dupe us into submission.

Whatever the case, a great deal of fear has become stirred up in the minds of large sections of the community, especially amongst fundamentalist Christian groups it would seem.

Ironically, for many such Christians, the term Illuminati has become synonymous with the word Satanist. Why this is ironic is because Adam Weishaupt first founded his secret society as a way of propagating secular ideas and beliefs that were central to the Enlightenment thinking of his day. Meaning that he believed in the Devil no more than he did in God. In fact, he probably didn’t believe in either concept as being anything other than a superstitious leftover from a less enlightened age.

Misguided? Yes, perhaps, you could argue he was, depending on your own faith. But a Satanist? No. Adam Weishaupt worshipped reason and order over chaos and evil. So what is this legacy of his we have been left to contend with, this shadowy outfit he named the Illuminati? Well, I believe, the word Illuminati is a hollow name used solely as a marketing ploy by unscrupulous sellers of snake oil. Advertising executives and would-be, false prophets have latched onto it, in lieu of the term “Bogey Man”. Because, you know what, there’s only one thing that sells better than sex, and that’s FEAR!

And therefore as regards worrying about the actual existence of the Illuminati goes, my best advice to you comes by way of a very famous (non-reptitilian) terrestrial who once said, “the only thing we have to fear is fear itself”.

Lady GaGa

Lady GaGa (Photo credit: ama_lia). Lady Gaga plays “peek-a-boo” with her fans in the hope of increasing record sales.

The Top 10 Reasons Why I Suck As A Writer

English: A whole lemon

English: A whole lemon (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

No. 1 – Because I care more about me than I do about you
Explanation: I’m self-obsessed, that’s why I became a writer, duh?! I’m not alone in
this, I’m sure, but a writer’s greatest mistake is having so much of a rogue-ego they
write so as to solely please/pleasure themselves and not others…hmm.

No.2 – I take rejection really, really, REALLY! BADLY!!!
Explanation: see previous blog article here.

No.3 – I refuse to run with the pack
Explanation: Human beings by nature are social animals, we writerly-types are not.
“Not human?” I hear you ask. No, not sociable. Well, not fit for polite society,
mostly. What I mean to say is that the very term “writers’ co-op” is surely an
oxymoron? Whatever, by banding together writers can help each other out. Just don’t
expect me to join the Christmas mailing list, understand?

No. 4 – Because proof-reading your work is for sissies, right?
Explanation: Wong. I mean, wrong. I mean, I just wrote the bloody thing, and so you
don’t actually think I now want to actually read it. ( I think I actually just used the
word “actually” twice in the same sentence. Nah, pooh cares?

No. 5 – Because I’m a lover; not a fighter, Michael!
Explanation: What was the topic again? Did I mention I get distracted easily? No? This
would never happen on Tralfamadore…

No. 6 – Self-doubt is a disease without any cure
Explanation: You’ve already stopped reading, because you hate me. Stop everything!
What’s an infinitive, and have I just split one. Ah, if I could but boldly know…

No. 7 – Bad habits are not just solely the preserve of poorly-dressed nuns
Explanation: Falling back on the same old sentence structure and turn of phrase makes
for a quickly tiresome writing style. Vary it up a bit. Honestly. It works! Or so most
successful writers will tell you. Don’t listen to me, though, I’m some anonymous hack
just like the rest of you.

No. 8 – “In-jokes” aren’t funny!
Explanation: While I personally might think Monty Python are hilariously funny (and
know many of their sketches by heart), jokes about The Ministry of Silly Walks probably
don’t have quite the legs I might like to think they do. Think, similarly, for the word

No. 9 – What’s my name again?
Explanation: Let’s face it, as a writer, it’s much more fun to spend time dreaming up
pen names and plotting out our imaginary Pulitzer Prize speeches, than actually writing,
isn’t it? Don’t fall for your own bullshit, if John Smith had written War and Peace,
it would still be War and Peace. Sorry, Leo 😉

No. 10 – Oh, God! I Can’t Be Arsed…
Explanation: Hell, you can finish this damn list off, if it’s so freakin’ important to
you! I’ve got some serious drinking to do…

“The tygers of wrath are wiser than the horses of instruction.” William Blake